How to handle a fight at your wedding
The Bride Link
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Thursday, July 23, 2020

How To Politely Ask A Guest To Leave Your Wedding

How To Politely Ask A Guest To Leave Your Wedding

Welcome to The Bride Link podcast, your home for expert wedding planning advice! Today we're talking all about how to politely tell a guest that they need to leave your wedding. Wedding security should be a concern for every couple as a problem can happen at any time. Emotions can run high, especially if alcohol is being served. Family and friend dynamics complicate conversations, which in turn can create difficult wedding guests and the need to remove someone from your wedding. Hopefully, this is something that you don't have to deal with, but if you're concerned, we're going to give you a few helpful tips to ask somebody to leave your wedding. To help separate any family members or guests, check out our Ceremony Cheat Sheet to help plan who stands, where, when, and why!

Lets get started! First, is to give hints to people that they need to calm down or suggest that they go somewhere else on the property. 

Maybe they can go hang out in the lounge area where the gift table and guest book are. Suggest they relax and not drink for a little bit and leave the reception where everybody else is having a good time. Some other tips that I read on how to ask a guest to leave a party are to pretend like they're the ones ready to leave. Say something like, “Wow, you've already been here half the night. Why don't I clean up while you head home for some rest.” I 110% do not agree with that tip, and you'll more than likely spark an argument immediately.

Approaching somebody that's been drinking for too long with silly things like, “Oh my goodness, it's already nine o'clock maybe you should head home” probably won't work and might offend the guest. If they've been drinking, it might make the situation worse as well. So what I'd like to do, is tell you how we would suggest you handled this as professional wedding planners. We've done over a hundred events in a single year and we, unfortunately, have had to deal with situations just like this. 

If you have a guest that's been overserved or just for one reason or another are completely unruly at your wedding and they need to be asked to leave, here's what you should do. This may be something that you don't want to handle. So we suggest that you continue to enjoy your day and choose somebody that you trust that will handle it gracefully. Maybe this is your Maid of Honor, your dad, or if you've hired a wedding planner or security personnel. Most definitely have them involved to do it. 

Second, lead the guest(s) to a more private location. 

Bring another person along with you if you don't feel comfortable being alone with confrontation. You don't want them to make a scene in the middle of the reception, so ask them to step outside, step into where the ceremony or where the cocktail hour has just taken place, any place where there are no other guests around.

Having another person with you also means any details discussed won't get misconstrued. There are two people on our side versus the one person that is being asked to leave. This is also just for a safety issue! We want to make sure that it's not a one on one conversation. 

Third, you need to let the guests know that the party for them is over and they are being asked to leave. 

I would suspect if you get to this point that you've already dropped a few hints throughout the night. A professional wedding planner will have already told the bartender to stop serving them.

Being honest about the situation but, not hurtful with them can defuse the situation naturally. Explain that this is the bride and groom's day and we don't want to disturb the ceremony or reception. It's been a very expensive event to plan and it's also a super important day obviously, and they are causing a distraction. With them being present any longer, it might ruin their wedding day. 

This situation can be a little bit touchy and it depends on really a case by case basis on how you should handle the actual wording when you're speaking to them. Having somebody that is around that knows that person would be extremely helpful. Now you can always just try to inform them that they've had too much to drink and politely they need to leave. If they refuse, you might need to have security escort them out. 

This is another reason why I think it should be done in a private location away from the reception. You need to have a plan in advance, this means collecting their belongings (jacket, purse, shoes) so that way they can easily leave without having to come back. Suggest an Uber, Lyft, taxi, or other safe rides available. You're not going to want them driving in their car if they don't have a ride!

Next, identify any potential problems before the wedding even starts.

I'll admit there's no perfect way to do it and it can be a sticky situation for anyone. So, if you think someone, in particular, is likely to be a big problem on your wedding day, talk to them about the situation. If you still feel uneasy, consider not inviting them in the first place. I know that sounds a little bit harsh, but if they're stressing you out about their behavior, they probably don't deserve an invitation.

Nex, hire a professional bartender! 

This will help stop guests from being over-served alcohol. That alone can solve problems before they happen and is the best deterrent for wedding disturbances in general. It also helps when you have to cut somebody off from drinking, allowing the bartender to stop service instead of the couple. Having a professional bartender telling them that they are legally no longer allowed to serve them alcohol can be a nice intermediary. When delivered this way, it comes with a little bit more authority than when delivered by a best friend or family member. 

Lastly, hire a professional security guard

I know it seems weird to have security present at such a loving event but trust me, I've seen all kinds of crazy things happen. We've seen fistfights at weddings before between the mother of the groom and the mother of the bride. We've had broken noses at weddings, people that sneak in alcohol, drink too much, and break things. Even guests that do things for no reason, like smashing a wine bottle on a brick wall (recent event)! 

There are some things that can happen at weddings which can be tough to control. Having security there will make you feel safer and it also protects you with certain liabilities. Having security shows you’ve done your due diligence to have a safe party. You can contact a local security company for your event, you could even contact your local police department to see if you can hire an off duty uniform police officer. Even if you don't think there will be a problem, hiring professionals can help your day run smoother and keep your stress levels at a minimum. This alone is worth the added expense depending on guest count, location, spirit availability, etc.

For more expert wedding planning advice, follow us @thebridelink!

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